5 Ways Moms Can Impact Their World From Their Home Computer

Sometimes moms, especially those of young children, feel isolated from the world, and feel they don't have much to offer. I want to suggest five ways that moms can positively impact their world from their home computer.

1. Invest in SRI funds.

SRI stands for Socially Responsible Investing. There are a plethera of mutual funds that have been designed using social or values-based criteria, investing only in companies that meet the criteria setup by the fund. For example, there are mutual funds that invest only in companies that pay above-average wages, or that donate x amount of their profits back to their local community. There are mutual funds that do not include any companies that sell cigarettes or alcohol. The criteria can be different for each mutual fund, so select carefully.

If you have a 401k through your employer, you may be able to select the funds that your invest in. Or you could setup a Roth IRA for your retirement, selecting only SRI funds. The options are endless, and you are definately impacting your world. When money talks, people listen!

For more information, visit:
http://www.socialfunds.com/
http://www.fool.com/Specials/2001/sp010329.htm

2. Buy Fair Trade gifts.

A company that has been certified Fair Trade is a company that pays its employees livable wages, has acceptable working conditions, and gives back to the local community. What a difference these companies make for its workers, especially in third world countries! Most products are hand-made, and are excellent gifts because of the uniqueness and quality craftmanship of the item. An excellent online shopping site is: http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/catalog/shop.php

For more information about Fair Trade certification, visit:
http://www.ifat.org/

3. Donate online.

Many organizations accept online donations. You may donate to alleviate hunger, help natural disaster victims and victims of war. Your church denomination may accept donations online for local causes or worldwide missions. Just make sure you are familiar with the organization and that it has been proven to spend its money wisely.

4. Send a thank you email to someone who is serving others.

Those who help others are not often thanked. They are criticized, over-worked, and under-paid, but not often thanked. Why not send an email to your local firemen, your pastor, the missionary your church supports, or your elected officials? To find the email addresses, visit your city's web site, your church denomination's web site, or http://www.firstgov.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml for elected officials. They be shocked to receive an email that isn't critical! And you'll have given them a boost of energy to keep serving.

5. Be informed about your political leaders so you can make wise choices at the polls.

One of the best ways to serve your country is to vote wisely. Know who you are voting for, what they stand for, and if they follow their words with action. The internet is filled with information regarding our elected officials. Just be sure that you examine the motives of the web site you are gathering the information from before trusting it.

A good source is the official Congressional Record: http://www.senate.gov/


Alright mom, you've now been empowered to impact your world. You can do it right now! Impact your world!

Why Do We Punish the Youthfulness We Envy in Our Kids?

Why is it that we punish the youthfulness in our children's lives that we so desire in our own lives?

I'll give you an example. Children are naturally honest. However, we train them to hide their natural feelings. We train them to say yes when they really mean no.

"How much broccoli would you like, Rachel?"
"None, Mommy," says Rachel.
"None? Let me rephrase. Eat your broccoli or go to bed."

"Would you like to go clean your room?" asks Mom.
"Nope, I'm watching cartoons," answers Greg.
"Did you just say no? Why don't you try another answer, mister."

In college, I had a class on communication that was very helpful to me. The professor actually spent the majority of the class time on training us how to communicate honestly. In class, we had to act out certain scenarios with each other and actually say no to our classmate. For example, my partner would say to me, "Will you help me with my homework tonight?" Instead of answering with, "I have a lot to do tonight, sorry," which of course would be a dishonest excuse, I had to answer, "No, I'd rather not," without apologizing at all for my negative response. It was extremely difficult for most of us in the class to respond, even in a fake exercise, with a truly honest answer. Why? Because we were punished for our honesty in our youth.

Let me give you another example. How many times as children were we told to "settle down," "sit still," or "stop getting so excited"? Yet as adults, how much money do we pay to try to re-create that energy and excitement? I just paid $180 for two tickets to a concert last week for that very reason. I wanted to have one night where I could dance in the hallways if I wanted to. Children naturally dance in the hallways! But as adults we continually squelch their natural enthusiasm because of our need for comfort and predictability. We don't want anyone to be "offended" by our child's spontaneous behavior. We don't want to have to move to the side of the hallway because a child is dancing down the center, as that would be undignified. Instead, we spend money on personal trainers to try to motivate us to get movement back into our lives. We collectively pay millions to watch an actor who hasn't lost his childlike energy (Johnny Depp anyone?). All of this because the natural enthusiasm in us was hijacked by well-meaning adults.

OK, one more example. Children are naturally "themselves." My son, for example, is an introvert and needs alone time. There have been times when his need for alone time has made other people very uncomfortable. In fact, his first babysitter, when he was an infant, quit because he didn't respond to her methods of putting babies to sleep. She was used to coddling, rocking and snuggling babies to sleep. However, my son didn't respond to that method - he just wanted to be put in his crib and left alone. She couldn't deal with that, so she quit. Now, at age 4, he still enjoys playing outside alone with his trucks, and is the most well-behaved when other children aren't around. But I know what is going to happen when he starts school. Extroverted children are the most rewarded in school. The children who are outgoing, bubbly and go with the crowd are the most loved by teachers and the most popular. My son is not going to be one of those children. So, he is going to need to find a way to fit in the system without changing himself. Hopefully he will stay true to himself, but there will be people who will try to change him. I know, because I have a similar personality. I tried to re-invent myself in junior high - I tried to become an extrovert. That caused me to feel uncomfortable about myself for some time. I still loved my school experience, but it took me until college to realize that my natural personality was just as valid as what I thought was the "norm" personality. As an adult, I have had to re-learn my natural self. And I know I'm not the only one, because I often hear on reality shows, "be true to yourself, man, and your music (dancing, fill in whatever) will be so much better."

The above are just three examples of ways that we look down upon the youthfulness of children, and yet spend millions of dollars to reclaim that youthfulness for ourselves as adults. I am challenging all of us to rethink the rules we put upon our children. As parents, we need to enforce only the rules we truly believe in for our children. We shouldn't let "society" write those rules for us.

The Result of My Experiment

I decided to try the experiment of "losing my life in order to gain it" for a couple weeks. It's been an interesting experiment. It hasn't been easy - it's been rather painful. The painful part of it has been setting aside my own to-do list for the interests of my husband and children. But what I've discovered is that I'm all about doing and not about being.

I don't want to be all about doing. A little bit of doing is ok, but not when it gets in the way of being.

"Being" means that you don't have to accomplish x, y, z on your list in order to live a fulfilled life.

"Being" means that your stress level doesn't rise 100% and your ears don't turn red when someone interferes with your to-do list execution.

"Being" means that you can enjoy being with your children just because you are with them - not because you are training them for Major League Soccer, or the 2020 Miss America pageant.

I've always had a million things on my to-do list. Here's my current to-do list:
1. Full time job and its million to-dos.
2. Get passport photo. Apply for passport.
3. Strip wallpaper in daugter's room. Paint and redecorate before she returns from trip with grandparents.
4. Order new items for gift shop at coffee house. Inventory new items. Bar code, price and display new items.
5. Create online shopping web site for coffee house.
6. Create web site for CRAVE and for band.
7. Create newsletter for CRAVE.

And those are just the things I want to get done this week.

Nowhere on my to-do list is reading to my children, going for a walk with my family and watching the sunset. I try to squeeze those intangible goals in between the lines of my very tangible to-do list. What sense does that make?

Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. Many of us, myself included, have to work. So when I work, I try to do it with my whole self and work diligently. Yet, most of the items on my above task list are voluntarily. They are there because I have some internal voice in my head saying, "If you don't accomplish something important, what good are you?" Of course, rationally I know that everyone has worth regardless of accomplishment. But my irrational self still motivates my rational self to take on tasks in order to feed its irrational need for self-identity through accomplishment.

I am still somewhere embracing the lie that my life needs to read as a Who's Who in order to have made it. But the Wise Man who told me to lose my life in order to gain it said that precisely because He knew that lie existed.

So my experiment is still going on. The lie is exposed and I'm attempting to internalize the truth.
My first step is to trash my cursed to-do list.

Why Am I So Boring?

My sister-in-law writes a hilarious blog about her life as a stay-at-home mom. Whenever I sit down to write a blog it turns into some kind of philosophical diatribe. That makes me feel very boring.

Why am I so boring? I blame it on genes. My personality style is INTJ which is the preferred personality style for CIA analysts (no, not the interesting operatives), and it does describe me to a T. But behind my boringness, there is a lot going on. It's probably the same with all of us! Remember that whenever you label someone. You are seeing 10% of them, another 90% is probably hidden behind their facade.

See? I turned another simple question into a philosophical sermon. Oh well, I guess God made me that way. To find out about your personality style, go to http://www.humanmetrics.com/ and take the Jung Typology Test. Then remember that everyone has hidden aspects to their personality, and be a little slower to apply labels.

If I Lose My Life, Will I Find It?

I'm currently trying to find out what it's like to "lose my life," in order to find it (see previous blog). The most difficult part of it is choosing to play with my children when I feel I should be checking my email/ doing the dishes/ reading a book/etc. etc. It's painful, but I am reaping some rewards.

The main reward is peace of mind when I choose to set aside what I am doing to focus wholeheartedly on my children. When I do focus on them, I replace my normal multi-tasking state of mind (you know, when you are replying to an email, while talking to a colleague on Skype, while listening for the dryer, while making sure the kids aren't running into the road?), with a focused state of mind. I can answer one of my son's many questions about how electricity works intelligentally instead of just nodding absent-mindedly. I can watch my daughter's elaborate dance routine and truly see it, instead of just vaguely clapping when I sense that she is giving me the "Mom, what did you think?" look. The reward is peace and the feeling that I am doing my job as a mother - that I am actually training my children a little bit at a time.

Of course, I can't make the choice to focus on my kids 100% of the time because I still have a full-time job. Working from home offers me flexibility but it also creates tough choices. Do I make the deadline or spend more time with my children? Sometimes the answer is to put in a DVD and let the TV babysit the kids while I work. I don't know all the right answers, but I do know that God intervenes to help me balance all the craziness. The more I make the choice to "lose my life," the more He intervenes, and the more I am at peace.