If I Lose My Life, Will I Find It?

I'm currently trying to find out what it's like to "lose my life," in order to find it (see previous blog). The most difficult part of it is choosing to play with my children when I feel I should be checking my email/ doing the dishes/ reading a book/etc. etc. It's painful, but I am reaping some rewards.

The main reward is peace of mind when I choose to set aside what I am doing to focus wholeheartedly on my children. When I do focus on them, I replace my normal multi-tasking state of mind (you know, when you are replying to an email, while talking to a colleague on Skype, while listening for the dryer, while making sure the kids aren't running into the road?), with a focused state of mind. I can answer one of my son's many questions about how electricity works intelligentally instead of just nodding absent-mindedly. I can watch my daughter's elaborate dance routine and truly see it, instead of just vaguely clapping when I sense that she is giving me the "Mom, what did you think?" look. The reward is peace and the feeling that I am doing my job as a mother - that I am actually training my children a little bit at a time.

Of course, I can't make the choice to focus on my kids 100% of the time because I still have a full-time job. Working from home offers me flexibility but it also creates tough choices. Do I make the deadline or spend more time with my children? Sometimes the answer is to put in a DVD and let the TV babysit the kids while I work. I don't know all the right answers, but I do know that God intervenes to help me balance all the craziness. The more I make the choice to "lose my life," the more He intervenes, and the more I am at peace.