Why Can't I Control My Own Life?

I asked my husband today why I am discontented with my life when I have so many great roles. I have a full-time job as a product development manager, I am co-owner of a coffee house, I am a mother and wife, and I love singing backup in a band. All of these roles are interesting, challenging and often exciting. However, they can leave me frustrated and discontented. His answer to me was, "Because you want more control."

He's absolutely right. I want to be able to control at least one of the roles in my life. In my full-time job, I want to make the decisions regarding our company's priorities. At the coffee house, I want to control the quality of customer service. As a mother, I want my children to be perfectly behaved. As a wife... well, I've given up any semblence of control over my husband. Yet as a member of a band, I want to influence the music in some way.

Part of the reason I started this blog was that I would have some control. I can control what gets printed on this blog. I have ultimate decision making power! That makes me at least a little happy.

A wise man once said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it " (Jesus Christ - Matthew 10:39). I have been trying to find my life for over 30 years now, yet I don't feel any closer to my goal. What would it look like to lose my life? I think it would look like this... supporting and advancing the decisions made at my organization... trusting the management of the coffee house to my husband (since it is his job)... playing in the mud puddles with my sons... watching a movie with my husband without folding laundry at the same time... relinquinshing music decisions to more talented musicians than I.

I'm going to challenge myself to try to lose my life for one week. I'll let you know if I find it.