Why Can't I Control My Own Life?

I asked my husband today why I am discontented with my life when I have so many great roles. I have a full-time job as a product development manager, I am co-owner of a coffee house, I am a mother and wife, and I love singing backup in a band. All of these roles are interesting, challenging and often exciting. However, they can leave me frustrated and discontented. His answer to me was, "Because you want more control."

He's absolutely right. I want to be able to control at least one of the roles in my life. In my full-time job, I want to make the decisions regarding our company's priorities. At the coffee house, I want to control the quality of customer service. As a mother, I want my children to be perfectly behaved. As a wife... well, I've given up any semblence of control over my husband. Yet as a member of a band, I want to influence the music in some way.

Part of the reason I started this blog was that I would have some control. I can control what gets printed on this blog. I have ultimate decision making power! That makes me at least a little happy.

A wise man once said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it " (Jesus Christ - Matthew 10:39). I have been trying to find my life for over 30 years now, yet I don't feel any closer to my goal. What would it look like to lose my life? I think it would look like this... supporting and advancing the decisions made at my organization... trusting the management of the coffee house to my husband (since it is his job)... playing in the mud puddles with my sons... watching a movie with my husband without folding laundry at the same time... relinquinshing music decisions to more talented musicians than I.

I'm going to challenge myself to try to lose my life for one week. I'll let you know if I find it.

Why Won't My Children Listen to Me?

I was dragging my four year old son up the stairs to put him in bed three hours before his bed time, when I wondered, why doesn't he listen to me? I had made a simple request, "DO NOT turn on the water hose." But still he walked right over to the outside faucet and turned on the hose. He knew that he would have to go inside early. He knew there would be consequences. But he went ahead and did it.

Why did he do it? Because his life agenda is different than mine. His life agenda is to explore, experiment, and otherwise have as much fun as possible. His life agenda does not match my agenda for him. As I work to train him properly, I realize that he needs to follow the rules, contribute to the household, be considerate of others, and learn to read, all while taking out time for having fun. But the first four items on my agenda for him are not on his agenda, resulting in his disobediance.

My daughter's agenda aligns more closely with mine. As the first born, she naturally embraces the responsibility of helping the household. She understands the need for learning and for chores, along with fun. As a result, she rarely disobeys me. Is that because she's a better child than my son? No, it is because her agenda naturally aligns more closely with mine.
My goal is to help my son expand his agenda to include others. Currently his agenda is narrow and focused only on himself. My job is to broaden his outlook, persuade him that being considerate of others and helping around the house is something worthy of his time and attention, and find ways to allow him to pursue his other goals, such as exploration and experimentation. On my side, I need to better understand his desire to experiment, so I can provide outlets for his enthusiasm, and possibly help him channel it productively. We've started out very far apart in our life views. I hope and pray that by the time he is 18, we'll be much closer.